How many times were we praised as children, every time we complied with, agreed with or did something because we were asked to?
Too many. Over and over again.
Almost every time we fitted into the external idea of how a good child is meant to behave, the automatic GOOD GIRL praise would be plastered all over us by the closest (well-meaning) adult.
On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, the programming was so effective that these very words seem to slip out of our tongues with our own daughters without much warning.
Make no mistake; GOOD GIRL is a prison sentence. It’s the beginning of people pleasing. And a life wasted trying to fit into a toxic mold we didn’t create.
GOOD seems to mean sacrificing our wants and needs to meet others’ first. To be polite and keep feathers unruffled. To keep our anger under wraps. To serve, to accommodate, to be pleasant and not cause trouble. Even if that’s not the right thing to do for our own sake.
The GOOD GIRL needs to keep her fire hidden, her soul’s desires contained, her voice quiet, her light dimmed. Her ancestral cloak of martyrdom must be worn with bravery.
Too many benefit from the GOOD GIRLS around them; untaming is not easy.
But it’s what you and I are here for. Because GOOD GIRL worn like a mask is a corroding force. It eats away at our dreams, at our joy, at our fierce, joyous and empowered nature.
I see so many women in these shoes. A multi-generational curse spreads its poison from woman to woman, disguised as a gift. And it breaks my heart.
I see it more and more clearly as I unlearn my tameness and dabble, each time a layer deeper, in my true essence.
There’s an uprising happening in and around me. Where women are taking each other by the hand and asking the hard questions and sharing the truth their masks hide.
Our silent pact of witnessing each other’s smallness is starting to give way to our roars.
Every time a woman dares to ask for what she wants, to honour how she feels, to speak up, to honour her desires, the curse dissolves a little more. It takes time. It takes practice. But it’s what we’re here to do.
You’re not a GOOD GIRL. You’re not a bad one either. You’re a whole woman. A goddess.
And a goddess is the powerful designer of a life beyond duty and checking boxes. You and I are capable of so much joy and beauty. Let’s colour our lives with it.
Small or big, let’s start today. And each day after until the curse is undone.