It’s three o’clock on a normal Friday afternoon. In between my children’s giggles, I look at my phone and there’s a message from my stepdaughter’s school saying they were in lockdown following police orders due to a shooting in the city.
At different times in my life, I’ve felt like I’ve been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
This weight, made up of heavy past, disappointments, unfulfilled dreams and brokenness has visited me in different layers over the years, each time begging me to set myself free a little more.
My gentleness flows
Whether my anger knows it or not
Buried under the blurry thoughts
Running a mile an hour in my head.
I know. I know. I know.
Even when confusion seems to be the only thing I’m clear about
Until I remember where to look.
I get stuck in a dance between my past and the next step forward.
Between my brilliance and my darkest shadow. Looking outward,
knees-deep in muddy waters
Desperately hoping someone else shows me the way out.
But the compass keeps pointing at me
I look around, there’s nobody else.
Just me, my angst and my magic, sitting beside each other.
I pause, tune into the silence, look at the water
Feel the warmth of my knowing in my heart.
It’s there, it’s always there.
Welcome home, I hear.
I am the path, the walker and the destination.
I remember. I forget. I remember.
I close my eyes and I’m home again.